78 Part II: Winning Friends and Influencing People
In this scenario the father changes his internal process and makes a con-
scious effort to remember when he was a teenager himself, in need of guid-
ance and a firm hand. He decides on the result he wants from his interaction
with the teenager and, having disengaged his emotions, is able to proceed
down the path that keeps communication channels open in order to achieve
the desired outcome: to get Drew to mow the lawn.
This scenario illustrates how, by putting the NLP presuppositions into prac-
tice, Dan is able to achieve his outcome of having Drew mow the lawn. (For
example, the presupposition that ‘the person with the most flexibility in a
system is the winner’.) The male bonding is an added bonus. The response
he gets from Drew when the teenager starts to become defensive is obviously
not the one Dan wants. Dan has the flexibility to recognise Drew’s behaviour
patterns and modify his own responses in order to get his outcome, thereby
controlling the system.
Understanding the Process
of Communication
John Grinder and Richard Bandler discovered that master communicators
have three sets of capabilities:
✓ They know what they want.
✓ They’re very good at noticing the responses they get.
✓ They have the flexibility to modify their behaviour until they get what
they want.
Simon taught Kate some valuable lessons about dealing with people. Simon
always manages to keep his cool and usually achieves his outcome even in the
most difficult situations. He does so by distancing himself from his emotions
and keeping his focus on the result he wants. He also attempts to understand
the other person’s point of view in order to arrive at a win–win result.
Everybody processes information differently and so reacts to situations dif-
ferently. Wouldn’t it be really useful to understand how another person’s
brain works? Read on for some clues.
Processing pieces of information
Professor George Miller conducted research into how many bits of data
people can process at any given time. He came to the conclusion that a
person can hold seven, plus or minus two, bits of information; that is, nine
bits if they’re feeling good or have an interest in a subject and as few as five if
