Chapter 9: Dropping Anchors 151
Common sense suggests that you wouldn’t deliberately set out to establish a
negative anchor. So how can you avoid doing so? The key lies in recognising
what triggers a negative response in you and realising that you have a choice
in how you respond. If you get into the habit of responding negatively in cer-
tain situations, when you become aware of your reaction, you’re in a position
to decide whether that response is appropriate and helpful, or whether you
want to make some changes.Eliciting and calibrating states
Do you know when someone else is in a happy, positive state or not? What
are the signals? When you meet someone and are building a relationship –
socially or in business – knowing how to calibrate them is useful.NLP defines calibration as the process of discovering how to read other
people’s responses. Good communicators learn how to heighten their skills of
observation. Instead of guessing how somebody else is feeling, they notice and
recognise the subtle cues and facial expressions of the people they mix with.For example, if you know that your boss goes quiet and clenches their facial
muscles when faced with a tough deadline, you’re well advised to avoid a
chatty social conversation when you spot those signs. Similarly, if you’re
negotiating a deal in business, take the time to get to know the people with
whom you’re negotiating. Friendly, social questions asked at the coffee
machine or in the lift can help you calibrate people’s body language and
develop your awareness of their responses.Try this quick game with a friend to calibrate their states. As you do so, notice
the changes in their physiology – what happens to their facial movements and
colour changes, as well as their body language:- First notice their starting position – to check what your friend looks
like in neutral.
To get the person into a neutral state, ask a mundane silly question like:
‘What colour are your socks today?’ or ‘How many pens do you keep in
your desk drawer?’
- Ask them to think for a minute about someone they really like, whose
company they enjoy – paying attention to any pictures, sounds, or
feelings that arise.
Give the person time to really get into the experience.
- Get your friend to stand up and shake that feeling out.
NLP calls this breaking state.