94 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
Regardless of sexual activity, romances during the teen years are often short-
lived. For this reason, it’s important to recognize the warning signs of a rela-
tionship that’s in trouble. When it’s clear that you and your boyfriend/girlfriend
want different things, you need to know how to say good-bye respectfully and
move on with your life.GETTING CLOSER PHYSICALLY
We’re all physical, intellectual, and emotional beings. Identifying the different
needs of the body, mind, and heart helps us, as humans, understand how we
relate to one another. When we talk and exchange ideas, we connect with people
intellectually—mind to mind. When we share our feelings and experiences, we
connect emotionally—heart to heart. When we dance or play team sports we
connect (and sometimes collide) physically—body to body.
But there’s another kind of touching, expressive touching,which allows us to
connect physically as well as intellectually and emotionally. Some examples of
expressive touching are a handshake, a pat on the back, a hug, or a caress. These
touches, along with our words and facial expressions, allow us to connect to
people with caring and respect.
If you think back to your early relationship with your parents or other care-
givers, or if you observe families in public places, you’ll see many ways that par-
ents use expressive touching to show their children how they feel. Children are
carried, hugged, kissed, cuddled, or lifted up onto a lap. Parents hold their kids’
hands, tousle their hair, or put an arm around their shoulders. All of these ges-
tures say, “I love you. I’m here to comfort you and keep you safe.”
As a preteen or teen, you may grow away from your parents emotionally
and focus more on defining yourself as an individual. But as a human being,
you don’t outgrow your need to be touched. Wanting to touch and be touched
is a basic human need. While you may not have the same physical closeness you
once had with your mom or dad, you may have found it in other relationships.
Friends, for example, often share feelings through hugs. The range of emotions
a hug expresses could be everything from “We won!” to “I’m here for you” to
“Great to see you.”
Because of the romantic aspect of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship,
expressive touching takes on a whole new meaning, but it doesn’t have to