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Sex, Unhealthy Romantic Relationships, and Good-byes 105
Dear Stuck,
Having sex with someone because you’re afraid to lose him would mean having sex for the
wrong reason. If you do it anyway, you may lose respect for yourself. Also, having sex with
your boyfriend doesn’t guarantee that he’ll stay with you.
After two years together, it’s natural for a guy to want to have sex with his girlfriend
(depending on how old you both are). Your boyfriend is experiencing intense sexual feelings
and may not know how to channel that excess energy in nonsexual ways. But it’s hisrespon-
sibility to deal with that without pressuring you. You don’t have to justify your decision to
anyone, and you don’t have to do something you’re not ready to do.
Your boyfriend’s pressure isn’t a good sign. A healthy relationship is based on mutual
respect, and you deserve more respect than he’s giving you. I agree with you, if he really cares,
he should want to be with you whether you have sex with him or not. Tell him that you don’t
appreciate the pressure and that if you’re going to continue the relationship, he needs to slow
down. If he doesn’t, you may have to break up with him and move on. Be strong and be true
to yourself. Good luck!
In friendship,
Terra
The First Time: What Parents and Teenage Girls Should Know About “Losing Your
Virginity” by Karen Bouris (Berkeley, CA: Conari Press, 1995). In this book,
women of all ages and races share their stories of their first sexual experience.
These stories offer information, advice, and a unique look into the emotional
aspects of having sex.
Teen Love: On Relationships (Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul Series) by Kimberly
Kirberger (Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications Inc., 1999). This book
for teens offers advice for sorting out the feelings that come with romantic rela-
tionships. It includes original letters from teens, wise advice, and insights about
falling in love and handling your desires and feelings.