106 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Healthy relationships are based on honesty, trust, respect, and open communi-
cation. They’re also balanced.That means both people treat and regard each
other as equals.
When one person feels more important, loved, and in charge, the relation-
ship isn’t equal. It’s unbalanced and unhealthy. If you’re in this type of rela-
tionship, it’s time to talk, make changes, or move on.
Unhealthy relationships are more likely to occur when:- There’s a large age difference between partners. The older person,
who has more life experience, tends to dominate. - One person is more “in love” than the other. The person who’s more
in love may be afraid of losing the relationship. The other person sometimes
uses this fear to manipulate and control the relationship. - One person is abusive. This can include verbal, emotional, physical,
and/or sexual abuse. Abusive relationships are the most unhealthy and dan-
gerous kinds.
What exactly isabuse? It’s mistreatment of any type and can range from
insulting “jokes” to violence. In a relationship, the abuser (the one who’s mis-
treating the other) feels superior to the abused.
The abuser may exert control in many different ways. For example, an
abuser could say mean and hurtful things (verbal abuse). Or gain control by
constantly ignoring or purposely hurting the other person’s feelings (emotional
abuse). Or use violence or threats of harm to get his/her way (physical abuse).
Or force someone to perform a sexual act (sexual abuse). In each case, the
abuser treats the other person with a tremendous lack of respect.
Why are some people abusive? And why do some people tolerate abuse?
These are difficult and complex questions. Teens who have been abused by a
parent or caregiver may grow up mistakenly believing that this behavior is part
of a “loving” relationship. For teens in this situation, abuse might feel “normal”
or inevitable (as if there’s no other way), and they may not know how to express