Sex, Unhealthy Romantic Relationships, and Good-byes 107
love in an appropriate manner. In fact, these teens may even become abusers
themselves.
Some teens who are currently in relationships in which they’re mistreated
haven’t been abused before. Still, they may be attracted to or involved with
people who treat them poorly. Once they’re caught in the pattern of abuse, they
may find it very difficult to get out of the painful relationship. Or they may
become abusive themselves because they don’t understand what it means to
treat someone with respect.
Abusive relationships are very confusing because the mistreatment may
occur infrequently or at random. These relationships often go through cycles;
for example, one minute the abuser lashes out and the next minute acts apolo-
getic and sweet. Because the abuser may also be very loving at times, it can be
difficult for this person’s partner to leave the relationship. He/she may hold out
hope that the abuser will never act out again and will continue to be loving.
Low self-esteem also keeps abused partners from leaving unhealthy rela-
tionships. On some level, the abused person believes he/she deserves to be mis-
treated or “punished.” The person doesn’twantto be abused (nobody wants
that) but doesn’t feel worthy of fair and loving treatment. The person may think
he/she provoked the abuse and may have mixed-up feelings about love and vio-
lence. These feelings and beliefs are deeply rooted and need to be resolved
through counseling.
Abusers rarely stop and become healthier without professional help. More
often, the abuser gets more violent and disrespectful as the relationship goes
on. This makes it even harder for the abused person to leave. He/she may feel
threatened, worthless, and totally alone.
To find out if you’re in an abusive relationship, answer the following
questions:
- Are you unhappy with your boyfriend/girlfriend because you feel
he/she is controlling you? - Do you do things you don’t want to do because you feel intimidated
by your boyfriend/girlfriend? - Do you feel terrible about yourself because of things this person says
to you? - Does your boyfriend/girlfriend push you around or threaten to
hurt you? - Does he/she hit you?