Send
Sex, Unhealthy Romantic Relationships, and Good-byes 109
RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network)
1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673)
http://www.rainn.org
RAINN, started by musician Tori Amos, is a nationwide clearinghouse for orga-
nizations dealing with issues of sexual and physical abuse. A call to RAINN will
automatically connect you to the rape crisis/domestic violence-prevention
center nearest you, so you can get help and counseling.
My boyfriend is totally mean to me
Hey Terra,
My boyfriend, who I love more than anything, is totally mean to me. He calls me names, and
he shoves me around. He says stuff like, “You’re a fat bitch” and “You’re too stupid to under-
stand.” He says he loves me, but if you love someone how can you say stuff like that?
Hurting
Dear Hurting,
People who consistently put down, embarrass, or lash out at others have serious problems.
They try to control people by being insensitive or by using verbal or physical abuse. You can’t
change your boyfriend’s behavior, but you cantake care of yourself.
Ask yourself why you’re in this relationship. Although you may love your boyfriend, you
most likely don’t love the part of him that’s mean to you. If you don’t feel good about who
you are, you may believe that you don’t deserve to be treated well. Or maybe you think you
deserve cruel treatment because you feel guilty or ashamed about something you’ve done.
Talk to a school counselor or another adult who can work with you to get to the root of your
feelings and help you understand that you deserve respect.
I also recommend that you end this relationship, so you can put energy into understand-
ing yourself better, figuring out what you need, and learning to stick up for yourself. You can
tell your boyfriend, “I have to break up with you because I feel bad a lot of the time when I’m