Sex, Unhealthy Romantic Relationships, and Good-byes 115
When you’re sure that it’s time to say good-bye, keep these tips in mind:- Remember that it takes two to make and break a relationship.
Feelings aren’t completely one-sided in a relationship. If you’re unhappy, for
whatever reason, the other person is probably feeling the same way. - Be aware of your feelings. Before you talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend,
identify your feelings. You may feel frustrated, jealous, or trapped. Whatever
feelings you have, they’re yours and they’re valid; you don’t need to make
excuses or apologize for them. - Be honest. Once you understand your feelings, communicate them with
your boyfriend/girlfriend. This conversation isn’t about blaming the other per-
son for what he/she did or didn’t do. Depending on the particular issue you’re
dealing with, you might say something like:
“I’m feeling trapped in this relationship. I feel like we spend too much time together,
and there are other things I want to be doing, on my own and with other people. I don’t
want to be your boyfriend/girlfriend anymore.”
“I’m feeling ignored, like my opinions and ideas aren’t all that important to you.
I want to be treated like an equal, and to be with someone who cares about me but
isn’t embarrassed to show it. You’re not the right person for me right now.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m no longer attracted to you in the same way that I used to be. You
have many great qualities, and I had a lot of good times in this relationship. But now
I want to see other people.”
When you speak honestly about your feelings and treat people with sensi-
tivity and respect, you might discover that difficult conversations aren’t as hard
as you had imagined. And when you talk, you might even discover that you both
sensed that the relationship wasn’t working.