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Sex, Unhealthy Romantic Relationships, and Good-byes 119
My boyfriend thinks I’d be perfect
if I’d only change a few things
Hey Terra,
My fantastic boyfriend and I are getting serious (we’re both nineteen), and we’ve been talk-
ing about marriage. The problem is that we’re so different that I’m wondering if it can work.
I’m a pretty quiet person and he’s really an extrovert, and he wishes I’d be one, too. Also, he
says that I need to lose about ten pounds and be more willing to try new things, like go with
him to watch kick boxing, which I don’t really care about. If I can change the things he
doesn’t like about me, it will be perfect between us. I guess I’m willing to do that, but I’m a
very honest person, and there’s a part of me that believes that changing my personality would
be a form of lying. It brings me down to think about it because, if he really loved me the way
he says, he wouldn’t want me to change. I could just be me, and that would be fine with him.
What do you think?
Just Me
Dear Just Me,
Your boyfriend may be a great guy, but he’s probably not great for you. You shouldn’t have
to change yourself to please someone else. In a healthy relationship, both people accept each
other’s differences. If your boyfriend can’t appreciate the thoughtful, honest, straightforward
young woman you are, he’s not “Mr. Right” for you. I think it would be a mistake to marry a
guy who wants to change you.
Be true to yourself! Talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you’re feeling. You may dis-
cover that the solution is to go your separate ways. If this happens, it’s for the best. Someday
you’ll meet a guy who will love you exactly as you are. In fact, who you are will be what he
loves most about you. I wish you well.
In friendship,
Terra