132 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
REAL FRIENDS VS. THE OTHER KIND
We all need friends. People are social creatures, and we like being around others.
Good friendships allow you to feel more secure, and by giving you the free-
dom to be yourself, they help you enjoy life more. Friendships also help you
become more aware of what you want and need in a romantic relationship
(which may, someday, lead you to a life partner). While romantic relationships
obviously aren’t the same as friendships, the healthy ones have friendship at their
foundation.So, if you learn the basics of being a good friend, you have a better
chance of developing healthy relationships with people you’re interested in
romantically.
You may call many people “friends,” but some of them are definitely better
friends than others. You can tell the difference between real friends and the
other kind, because realfriends:- respect each other’s values
- talk openly about what’s on their minds
- keep agreements they make
- support each other
- share expectations about what friendship means
Most of all, a real friend issomeone you like. Liking someone is the number
one ingredient in a solid friendship. People are complex, and many different
things attract us to others and make us want to get close. Maybe you’ve said or
thought, “My friend sometimes acts very weird, but I like her anyway. I don’t
know why, I just do.” Why you like a person can’t always be explained (to some-
one else or even to yourself), but it doesn’t need to be. Affection happens
between people for all kinds of reasons, such as:- Instant likes. When you instantly like someone, you might say it’s because
the two of you have good “personality chemistry.” You might also see some-
thing in the other person that’s similar to a quality you have. Most of us don’t
realize that our friends’ positive qualities are often things we like about our-
selves.Friends who share your strengths help you learn more about making the
most of your best traits.