Friends, Peers, and Enemies 137
Dear Troubled,
It’s important for friends to respect each other’s values and choices. This is especially impor-
tant for issues you hold close to your heart. Because you believe it’s wrong for people to have
sex outside of marriage, I understand why you’ve lost respect for your friend. But are you really
ready to give up the friendship?
You’re entitled to your feelings and it’s your choice whether to remain friends with her.
But if you haven’t already done so, communicate your feelings to your friend. Otherwise, she’s
going to wonder what’s going on, and it wouldn’t be honest to pretend that nothing has
changed when so much has for you. And it wouldn’t be fair to create distance between you,
without explaining why you’ve done so. Talk openly with your friend and listen to her point
of view. Thanks for writing.
In friendship,
Terra
Communicating
One of the best parts of having a solid friendship is knowing that you’ve got
someone to turn to when you really need to talk. Ideally, you and your friend
should feel comfortable discussing just about anything with each other. Open
communication is a basic element of all healthy relationships, but what hap-
pens when it isn’t there? It becomes more difficult to resolve problems.
When a friendship is going well, it’s as if there’s clear air between you. But
if something bad happens, it’s like an invisible glob pollutes that clear space.
Maybe neither of you can see it, but you both feel its presence. When some-
thing seems uncomfortable or “not right,” you may be tempted to ignore it.
Some-times it feels easier to end a friendship or let it fade away, rather than
face conflicts directly. But it’s a real test of your friendship (on the part of both
people involved) to do what it takes to “clear the air.” For information about
working out problems, take a look at Chapter 9, “Conflict Resolution Tool Kit,”
on pages 229–237.
Resolving conflicts can be hard work, but good friendships are worth the
effort. And if you put energy into working things out, you’re more likely to have
healthy friendships that last for years.