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138 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
My friend won’t talk to
me about our fight!
Hey Terra,
Sometimes my friend says stuff that hurts my feelings. At her surprise party last weekend, her
mom had invited some friends of hers from camp. She was hugging them and screaming about
how happy she was to see them (they live pretty far away). When I tried to give her a hug, she
sort of pushed me away and said real loud, “I get to see youall the time.” That made me feel like
I wasn’t very important to her and that it wouldn’t have mattered if I wasn’t even at the party.
At school on Monday, I told her how her remark made me feel, and she got all angry and
said that I was trying to mess up our friendship. I said that I was sorry and that’s notwhat I was
trying to do, but she didn’t want to talk about it and rushed off. She hasn’t talked to me in two
days. What do I do now?Feeling HurtDear Feeling Hurt,
I admire you for trying to work things out with your friend. However, it takes two people to “mess
up” a relationship and two people to fix it. Clearly, you’re willing to try, but your friend isn’t yet.
Perhaps she needs some more encouragement. You could say something like this, “Our
friendship is really important to me, and I don’t want to lose it. Could we talk about what hap-
pened?” If she agrees, set up a time to talk. Be sure to pick a time that’s good for both of you
(right before a test won’t work). Also, choose a place that’s private, so you’re both free to share
your feelings without worrying about anyone overhearing or interrupting.
If she still won’t talk, give her space. If she values the friendship, she’ll probably reach out
to you after she cools off. On the other hand, if open and honest communication isn’t some-
thing she can handle in a relationship, then she isn’t the kind of friend you can count on.
If things don’t work out between you and you feel lonely and want to meet other people, find
new ways to spend your time. Make a list of things you enjoy doing, and then think about the
activities that are available in your school and community. There are lots of new people you can
meet who may offer exactly what you want and need in a friendship. I hope this helps!In friendship,
Terra