Friends, Peers, and Enemies 145
Support
Healthy friendships are a two-way street, in which both friends feel that their
concerns and opinions are of equal importance. Supportplays a big role here,
too. In real friendships, both friends get their needs met and are able to grow
in healthy ways.
For example, if your friend has a class presentation to give and wants to try
it out on you first, you’ll probably take the time to listen and offer some feed-
back. And because your friendship is a two-way street, your friend would do the
same for you. If your schedules are tight and you can’t always be there for each
other, you both can offer support in other ways. Real friends do their best to be
available to each other—but are understanding if something prevents this from
happening.
Sometimes the kind of support needed by friends is of a much more serious
nature. In potentially life-or-death situations, just “being there” isn’t enough.
Have you or a friend ever dealt with the kind of intense emotions that come
from facing major life changes such as death, divorce, drug abuse, eating dis-
orders, or depression?
You notice that your friend has been really down for the
past few weeks, ever since his girlfriend broke up with
him. You’re worried because your friend seems out of it
and isn’t acting like himself. He doesn’t return your calls
or do anything with you after school anymore. When you
ask him if something’s bothering him, he responds, “Just life. It’s all so point-
less, I’m actually thinking of killing myself, just to make a change.”He says it
like a joke and then quickly remarks, “Just kidding. Don’t get all worried about
me.”You want to help, but he doesn’t seem to want to talk about what’s on
his mind. Should you just leave him alone until he works things out for himself?
In this situation, your friend is putting distance between you because he
doesn’t want to communicate. Maybe he’s embarrassed to talk about how sad,
rejected, or lonely he’s feeling right now. Or maybe he doesn’t know how to put
his feelings into words. As a result, he’s pushing you away, even though you’re
making an effort to show you care. Part of you may feel angry that your friend
doesn’t seem to want you around. But sometimes being a friend means offering
support to someone who’s hurting too much to ask for help.