168 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
Your relationship with your parents may be rocky at times, but you don’t
have to let it continue to go downhill. You can work toward building a healthy
relationship by understanding each other better. This will help make your years
at home more peaceful for your entire family.
Parents have to perform the tough balancing act of encouraging their kids
to become independent while, at the same time, standing by ready to help
when needed. This allows kids to grow up confident that they have a safety net
in case they stumble or fall. Encouraging independence and being supportive
are two ways that parents show love for their children.
The vast majority of parents love their kids and want the best for them. If
you have trouble accepting that, perhaps it’s because your own experience tells
you it isn’t true. Maybe you have a parent who left you, or is very ill, or spends
a lot of time working, or has a drug or alcohol problem. All of these are reasons
why this parent isn’t really there for you. Maybe you have a parent who won’t
give you any breathing space or allow you to get emotionally close at all. Maybe
physical abuse occurs in your family, and that creates a frightening mix of emo-
tions—none of which are supportive or encouraging.
If you’re living in such a situation, you need to get help, if you haven’t
already. Talk to a school counselor, religious advisor, or another trusted adult—
and do it today. Family problems make growing up so much more difficult, and
you deserve a chance to work through these issues with the help of someone
who cares.
If your parents, for whatever reason, aren’t giving you the emotional sup-
port you need, you don’t have to grow up without it. You deserve to have at least
one honest, helpful, supportive adult in your life. (If you can find more than
one, that’s great!) If you can’t find these people in your family, look for them
elsewhere. Reach out to people who are good listeners, are willing to tell you
the truth, and want to make a positive difference in your life.
The kind of person you’re looking for is called amentor,someone who can
help you work on problems and identify and reach your goals. Here are some
places to find a mentor:- Within your own family: Talk to older siblings and adult relatives.
- At school: Talk to your school counselor, advisor, favorite teacher, principal,
or coach.