174 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
become a battlefield. If you and your parents are arguing often, ask yourself this
question: “What are we reallyfighting about?” While the particulars of each
fight (curfew, friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, homework) may change, all of
them probably boil down to this:Parent:“I know what’s best for you!”
Teen:“No, you don’t!”Doyour parents always know what’s best for you? No, although they may
think they do. Parents don’t have all the answers. They may know what they
would do in a certain situation; they may also remember what they did when
they were teens. But you are not your parents, and the times they grew up in
were different from now. What was right for them back then may not be right
for you, now or ever.
Does this mean your parents’ opinions are worthless, and you don’t have to
listen to them? No. Most parents (even the ones who don’t always do the best
job) really care about their kids. When people care about you, their ideas are
definitely worth listening to. And so are yours.
If you disagree with your parents about something, explain how you feel.
Discuss things openly with each other, perhaps during a family meeting. (See
pages 234–237 in Chapter 9, “Conflict Resolution Tool Kit,” for information
about these meetings.) Share your feelings and be open to theirs. Talk and listen
to each other with respect.
Having a respectful conversation with your parents may not instantly solve
your problems, but open communication is always worthwhile. Besides, the
yelling-blaming-crying-silence routine never works, so why not try something
that might? When you calmly and thoughtfully discuss all aspects of an issue,
your parents are bound to notice a difference. And when they hear you talking
in nonblaming ways and listening to them with respect, they might start treating
youwith more respect. Perhaps they’ll begin to realize what a trustworthy and
mature young adult you are, and that might help you reach agreements that suit
your needs and meet their comfort level, too!