Send
Getting Along with Parents 175
My dad is much nicer to
my sister than to me
Hey Terra,
My dad is always so sarcastic to me. He makes rude comments about my friends, my clothes,
and my hair. I like my hair long, but he says it makes me look like a girl, so there’s always that
argument. And sometimes I just ask him a question, and he gets mad. Like yesterday, I walked
in and said, “Hey, Dad, what’s up?” and he said, “Like you reallycare.” I was just being
friendly, but when he snapped at me like that I just said, “Not really!” and left the room. I felt
bad, but I can’t talk to him because it always ends up just the same, with us saying mean stuff
to each other. He’s so much nicer to my sister, and my mom is nicer to me. What should I do?
Feeling Low
Dear Feeling Low,
It sounds like you and your dad are going through a difficult phase. Perhaps your dad has cer-
tain ideas of what it means to be a man, and he’s critical of you whenever you don’t conform
to the “manly” ideal he imagines. He’s probably not on your sister’s case because, in some
way, he may see that as your mom’s job. Similarly, your mom isn’t on your case because she
may be leaving that responsibility to your dad.
Here’s my suggestion: because you’re having an easier time talking to your mom, tell her
how you feel about your relationship with your dad. You might say, “Mom, things are really
bad between Dad and me. No matter what I do or say, he’s on my case. I wish Dad and I could
just talk without yelling at each other. Do you think you could ask him not to be so hard on
me?” Maybe your mom will try to talk to your dad and make him more aware of how he’s
contributing to the tension between you two. Then tell your dad that you’d like to talk to him
about what’s going on. If you’d like, ask your mom to be a part of this conversation, too (not
to take sides but to help keep things under control).
If both you and your dad make the effort, you’ll likely start communicating better and
treating each other with more respect. Remember, though, that it takes work and practice.
Good luck!
In friendship,
Terra