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176 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
Since my dad died
’
all my
mom and I do is fight
Hey Terra,
My dad died last summer, and my life is still a mess. My mom and I used to argue about stuff
before his death, but our relationship is lots worse now. She’s so awful to me that I don’t even
want to be home anymore. And the thing is, she acts like she’s the only one who’s suffering,
but I am, too! If she saw my journal she’d know that—not that I’d ever show it to her.BlueDear Blue,I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. My dad died when I was fifteen, so I understand what a
difficult time you’re going through. Of course, your mom is grieving, too. You both need time
to adjust to this tremendous change in your lives, and your fighting doesn’t make it any eas-
ier. When you’ve lost someone important to you, nothing feels right and it’s easy to find fault
with everything and everyone around you. I’m glad to hear that you keep a journal. Writing
is a way to help you sort out these feelings and express what’s going on inside.
Another good way to get through this is by talking. I suggest that you talk to your mom
about your feelings for your dad, for each other, and for your current situation. This will prob-
ably take more than one conversation, but you might start the process by saying, “Mom, ever
since Dad died, it seems like all we do is fight. We never talk about him, and it’s like we’re
pretending he was never here. I know you’re really sad, and so am I. Maybe you don’t want
to think about it, but if we could talk about him, maybe we’d both feel a little better.”
Your mom needs to understand that she’s not the only one who has suffered a loss. You
both did. By communicating your feelings, you’ll be able to support each other, come to
accept your dad’s death, and build a stronger bond between you. If it feels like you and your
mom can’t do this alone, get some help. Find a local grief support group through your place
of worship, a hospice organization, or your county’s department of social services. You could
also use the Internet as a resource. Go to any search engine and look up “grief support.”
I wish you and your mom well. Working together, the two of you will have an easier time
of it. I hope this helps!In friendship,
Terra