The Teen Survival Guide to Dating & Relating: Real-World Advice on Guys, Girls, Growing Up, and Getting Along

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180 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating

Your parents care about you and are concerned about your well-being. Perhaps you could

tell them a little about your relationship with your boyfriend, even simple things like where

you’re going if you’re planning a night out and when you’ll be back. That kind of information

will probably help put their minds at ease and make them willing to give you more privacy.

Thanks for writing.

In friendship,

Terra

My dad is a racist

Hey Terra,

I really love my dad, but we totally disagree about being friends with people of color. He

really believes that white people are better than other people. I hate to admit it, but he’s a

racist! When he uses negative words to describe African-Americans, Asians, and Hispanics,

it makes me angry and embarrassed at the same time. People shouldn’t be judged by their

race. How can I get Dad to realize that?

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

I’m assuming you’ve already told your father how his racist statements make you feel. It’s

important that he knows this, if you haven’t told him yet. You might say, “Dad, I feel really

uncomfortable when you use certain words to describe people of color. You know the words

I’m talking about. It makes me angry and sad that you lump people together and stick nasty

labels on them. I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t use that language in front of me any-

more. If you do, I’m going to have to leave the room, because I just don’t like hearing that

kind of thing.” If you say this calmly and directly, you’ll be sending your message in a very

powerful way. Your dad may not change, but at least you’ll have communicated how you feel.

Racial attitudes can be deeply rooted in people’s minds. These prejudices are often

formed in childhood and can be very difficult to change. But this doesn’t mean you can’t find

other things about your father that you do admire.