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182 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
Dear Outta Here,This kind of situation sometimes happens between teens and new stepparents. I understand
how you might resent someone suddenly coming into your life and trying to tell you what to
do and how to be.
It sounds like you and your stepdad are locked into a bad habit of relating to each
other mostly in anger. He yells at you, and you resent it so you yell back. Then he proba-
bly thinks you’re being disrespectful, so he yells some more. Through your behavior, you’re
both reinforcing the wall between you.
How can you tear down this wall? Start by talking to your mom. Since you two have
probably developed your own ways of handling problems over the years, it would be more
appropriate for her to discipline you (if necessary). That way, you and your stepdad could focus
on getting to know each other, without so much tension.
Even if you’re going to be leaving in another year, it makes sense for your family to get
along while you’re still there. My suggestion is that you talk to your mother privately about
the situation. You might say, “I know I’ve been rude to my stepdad, but I feel like he watches
every move I make—like he’s waiting to catch me doing something he doesn’t like so he can
yell at me. He’s not my dad, and I want him to stop bossing me around. I know this upsets
you, Mom, and I don’t like it either, so I was wondering if you could please talk to him about
it. I’ll try not to be rude to him if he’ll back off. Okay?”
I hope your mom can help out. If the discipline stops on your stepdad’s part and the
rudeness stops on yours, the relationship has a good chance of improving. Then you might
actually start to enjoy having a dad again. I wish you well.In friendship,
TerraMy parents are splitting up
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and my mom wants to move!
Hey Terra,
My mom and dad are getting a divorce because my dad fell in love with another woman. If
my mom didn’t yell at him all the time, maybe he wouldn’t have fallen in love with somebody