192 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
Maybe you can agree to limit the length of time you spend on each call or to use the phone
only after your homework is done.
If you truly make an effort to do your best in school, you’ll prove to your parents that
you’re responsible enough to handle your schoolwork and your social life. They’ll see that they
can trust you to keep your agreements, which may encourage them to give you more free-
dom in other areas of your life. And one more thing: besides pleasing your parents, working
hard in school can bring you a sense of satisfaction and achievement. I wish you well.In friendship,
TerraTRUST AND PRIVACY
Your understanding of trust began with the first relationship you ever had,
which was with your parents or other caregivers. These are the people who
taught you that human beings are trustworthy. How did they do that? By being
there for you. From the very beginning, your survival depended on them. They
fed you when you were hungry, and you quickly realized that you could count
on them for lots of things. As you grew, they learned they could rely on you,
too. After so many years of building trust, it can be especially hurtful if it fades
during the teen years.
It’s safe to say that we all want to be trusted. We want people to be able to
count on us and to believe what we say. The way to earn trust—and keep it—is
by sticking to the agreements you make with people, especially your parents.
What happens when you don’t? You lose some credibility and trust-
worthiness. If you make an agreement with your parents and break it, for
whatever reason, the foundation of confidence they have in you is weakened a
little (or a lot, if you’ve broken a major agreement). Because your parents don’t
trust you as much as they did before, they may become suspicious of the things
you say or do. They may expect that you’ll start breaking allyour agreements.
They may even start checking up on you by listening in on your phone conver-
sations, going through your private stuff, reading your journal, or questioning
you about every little thing. This isn’t healthy for you or for them. If this is hap-
pening in your family, you probably feel like you don’t have any privacy. Lack
of trust and privacy can lead to resentment on both sides.