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Getting Along with Parents 195
My parents don’t trust my friends
Hey Terra,
I’m a freshman, and I’ve made a couple of new friends. These guys both went to different
middle schools than I did, so my parents don’t know them. Last week, my friends asked me
to do stuff with them Saturday night. I really wanted to but only if I could stay out past ten
(the curfew I had when I was in eighth grade and still have). My parents said I couldn’t go.
When I asked them why, they said, “We don’t know these kids, and until we do, we aren’t
going to trust them.” I think this is really unfair for them to judge people they don’t even
know. These guys are cool, and I totally trust them. So why can’t my parents trust me to
know who’s okay and who’s not?
Birch Bark
Dear Birch Bark,
I understand that you’re excited about spending time with your new friends. It sounds like it
might help if your parents could get to know them, too. If they’re as trustworthy as you say,
your parents might lighten up.
As a ninth-grader, you naturally want more freedom. You need less supervision than you
did when you were younger. That doesn’t mean your parents are going to feel comfortable
tossing all their rules out the window. Parents usually are better about changing old policies
when new ones are introduced gradually.
How about calmly sitting down with them and presenting your case? You might say,
“Now that I’m in high school, I feel like I’m ready for more responsibility. I’d like to work out
a new system where I could stay out later on weekends, in exchange for letting you know
where I am and when I’ll be home. I’d also be willing to have you meet my new friends and
maybe get to know their parents, so you can feel more comfortable about my hanging out
with these guys.” This way, you’re being mature and responsible. If you talk to your parents
sincerely, I believe you’ll be able to work something out.
By working together, you can create a solution that reflects your desire for more freedom,
your willingness to be more responsible, and your parents’ need to know that you’re safe.
Good luck!
In friendship,
Terra