Sibling Relationships 201
order in which you were born all influence your deal. For example, the firstborn
usually has a different family experience than the youngest child, who has a dif-
ferent one than the middle child, who has an altogether different one from
everybody else. Each sibling position in the family includes its own pros and
cons, such as:
Firstborns
- Pro: They usually get to do things their younger siblings can’t, making first-
borns feel more privileged, independent, and mature. - Pro: They’re trusted to look after younger siblings when the parents can’t be
there, making firstborns feel good about themselves, as if they can be counted on. - Con: Parents sometimes side with the younger sibling because they think
he/she needs protection from the older one. - Con: Firstborns are often blamed when sibling conflicts occur. Parents may
say the older sibling should “know better.”
Youngest
- Pro:The youngest child often gets to do things an older brother/sister wasn’t
allowed to do at the same age. That’s because by the time a second or third
child comes along, most parents are a bit more confident and relaxed about
their parenting decisions. - Pro: Parents sometimes maintain a special closeness to the “baby” of the
family, offering that child more hugs and signs of affection. - Con:Often, older siblings see themselves as higher up in the family “pecking
order.” This means they may try to boss the youngest child around. The
youngest sibling doesn’t have anyone younger to give orders to. - Con: Losing the family’s baby label can be difficult. The youngest child might
feel as if he/she has to try harder at everything (or give up) because family mem-
bers expect less of the baby.
Middle children
- Pro:Many middle children learn to get along with people of all ages. This is
because their unique position in the family gives them more experience with
people older and younger than themselves.