202 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
- Pro: Sometimes parents are so focused on the problems and challenges of
their oldest or youngest kids that the middle one ends up with more inde-
pendence. - Con: Firstborn and youngest kids have more years between them, and that
often means less competition; they may get along better with each other than
either of them does with the middle child. The middle child is closer in age to
both the older andthe younger child, leading to more competition or conflict. - Con: The middle child never really has the chance to be alone in the spotlight
because the older sibling was there first, and then came the baby. As a result, the
middle child may question his/her importance in the family.
Of course, lots of other factors affect your relationship with your siblings,
including:- More than three kids: In families with more than three kids, the oldest and
youngest are still there, of course, but the middle child is harder to identify.
(Where’s the middle in a group of four or six kids?) - Large age differences: Siblings who are five or more years apart in age
might not experience the same jealousy and competition as kids one or two
years apart. This is because the firstborn was an only child for a long time and
had no one to compete with for the parents’ attention. When the next child
arrived, the first one was already going off to school, giving both children lots
of noncompetitive time with the parents. Siblings separated by many years may
also be less competitive because they aren’t ever at the same stage of develop-
ment. Their parents are less likely to compare their children’s accomplishments
and so are the kids themselves. - Stepsiblings, half siblings, and adoptions: These relationships are
often characterized by the typical challenges of all sibling relationships—and
then some. Blended families face issues of jealousy and competition, too, and
it may be harder for the siblings to communicate openly if they don’t know
each other very well.
Whichever slot you fit into in your family (oldest, youngest, or somewhere
in between), remember that nobody gets the best deal and nobody gets the
worst. There are pros and cons to everyposition in everyfamily.