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Sibling Relationships 205
My parents put all the pressure
on me because I’m the “good” kid
Hey Terra,
In my family, I’m the “good” kid, and my younger brother is the “screwup.” The thing that
gets me is that my parents give me the hardest time whenever anything I do isn’t perfect. But
when it comes to my brother, he can do something really bad and our parents barely even say
anything! What’s with that?
Good Kid
Dear Good Kid,
The situation you describe is pretty common. Because your brother has taken on the role as
the family “screwup,” your parents expect him to make mistakes, and it doesn’t surprise them
when he does. In fact, my guess is that when he doesn’tscrew up (since nobody makes mis-
takes all the time), your parents don’t even notice. As for you, you’re in the role of the “good”
kid, and when you mess up, it’s such a shock that your parents get upset.
Don’t be too hard on your brother: he probably wishes he could be more like you. Find
ways that the two of you can have a good time together, so you can move beyond seeing him
as the family screwup. You could probably learn some positive things from each other, too.
For instance, maybe he could teach you about not having to be perfect all the time, and
maybe you could teach him about making good choices and having self-esteem. A relation-
ship with a brother can be very special, so I’d say it’s definitely worth working on.
As for the way your parents treat you, talk to them about it. Tell them exactly how their
behavior makes you feel. You could say, “When I get good grades and win things, you don’t
seem to notice, and that makes me feel like I have to do ‘bad’ stuff to get attention. I’d really
appreciate it if you’d show me that you’re proud of my accomplishments.” Your feelings may
be news to them. Either way, it’s likely to be the start of an interesting conversation. Go for it!
In friendship,
Terra