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206 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
I’m so unlike my sister!
Hey Terra,My sister has always had lots of boyfriends, and I think she has kind of a bad reputation. This
year, I started high school, and my sister is a junior. Everyone is always assuming that I’m “hot”
like my sister. I’m not and, in fact, I’m embarrassed that people think of her as such a slut!RedDear Red,It’s a funny thing: when someone has a sibling with wonderful qualities, people assume
the younger brother/sister will also be a great person; when an older sibling has a not-so-
wonderful reputation, it’s often assumed that the younger sibling will also be “bad.” It’s totally
unfair, but people are sometimes judged by their siblings (at least until their own unique iden-
tities become apparent). I understand that you’re uncomfortable with your sister’s reputation,
but you can’t change her past (or even her present) behavior. That’s something she has to
work on herself, although you can offer her advice and support.
I suggest that you concentrate on being yourself at your new school. It won’t be long
before people get to know the real you, and then they won’t base their opinion of you on
your sister.
Sometimes people may still come up to you and say embarrassing things about your
sister. I realize that you may feel a sense of loyalty to her, but it’s not your job to defend her
reputation, especially if she’s making poor choices. If someone says something negative
about her, you could choose not to overreact. You might simply say, “I don’t want to talk
about my sister.” Or you might say, “I don’t feel comfortable with you talking about my
sister like that. And I’d appreciate it if you’d stop.”
If someone asks you about being “hot” like your sister, you can be direct and say, “I just
want you to know, in case you didn’t notice, that I’m not my sister. Don’t make assumptions
about me based on what you’ve heard about her.” Thanks for writing.In friendship,
Terra