220 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
If you don’t want to baby-sit for your English teacher’s daughter again, tell her so. It’s up
to you whether to admit exactly why you’ve changed your mind. You might simply say, “I’m
sorry. I’d like to help you out, but I’m not available. Maybe you could ask someone else in the
class who lives nearby.” On the other hand, you could be very honest and direct and say, “The
last time I baby-sat for you, your daughter misbehaved and I had a hard time handling the sit-
uation. I don’t think I’m the right sitter for her. It might be better to try someone else out.”
My guess is that your teacher will appreciate your honesty and maturity.
In the future, other adults will ask you to do things you may not want to do, and each
time, you’ll need to take a moment to ask yourself what your next step will be. Maybe you’ll
want to help out because it’s a nice thing to do. Or maybe you won’t have the energy, the
time, or the interest. Keep telling yourself that it’s okay to say no, as long as you say it with
sensitivity and respect. I wish you well.In friendship,
TerraHANDLING PROBLEMS
If you’ve got a specific conflict you’d like to resolve with an AF, it’s a good idea
to first have a plan. This will help you get a clear picture of what you want to
say, which will give you confidence and help put you more at ease.
There’s no way to know ahead of time how the conversation will turn out,
but there are a few things you can do to make things go more smoothly. Start
by imagining the best- and worst-case scenarios. It may even help to list the pos-
sibilities on a piece of paper. Suppose, for example, that you need to talk to your
boss about something you’re not happy with at work. What’s the worst that
could happen? You might:- feel uncomfortable and embarrassed
- get yelled at
- get on your boss’s bad side
- receive a warning about your behavior and performance
- get fired, which means finding a new job without a positive
reference from your boss