222 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
extension on my term paper because the royal magician made one of my
research books disappear, and I must find another copy.” Have fun with this
exercise, because humor often helps to loosen you up and get your ideas flowing.- Give the AF a turn to talk. If you’re doing this exercise by yourself, get up
and sit in the other chair, and then answer as if you were the AF. If a friend is
helping, have your friend pretend to be the AF. Make sure your friend uses a
wide range of responses—from serious to funny. For example, your friend
might say, “Well, this is highly irregular, but if you promise to clean the royal
moat, I will grant your request.” - Switch seats again. Continue practicing until you feel more comfort-
able. If a friend is helping, keep taking turns talking and listening. You and your
friend could also switch roles. Playing the role of the authority figure yourself
might help to reduce your anxiety level.
When you feel ready, make an appointment to talk with your AF. Get
together at a time that’s convenient for both of you and make sure you can talk
privately. During the conversation, tell your side of the story directly and
respectfully, and be sure to stick to the facts. (For tips on resolving conflicts
peacefully, see Chapter 9, “Conflict Resolution Tool Kit,” on pages 229–237.)
After you’ve shared your thoughts, listen to what the AF has to say. Be consid-
erate and sensitive, and don’t interrupt. Now that you’ve both had your say,
brainstorm solutions. Can you compromise?
While communicating openly and honestly is always a good idea, it doesn’t
always work. Some people in positions of authority just aren’t open-minded or
easy to get along with. They may not appreciate having their decisions ques-
tioned by someone younger than they are. If you’ve tried talking face-to-face and
this hasn’t worked, you may want to write a letter explaining your point of view.
If you decide to write this type of letter, be sure to express yourself in a way
that will be taken seriously, while showing respect for the person in authority.
Use “I messages” (for more about this, see pages 232–233), such as:“I am writing to you to formally request an extension on my research
paper. I feel that I need some extra time because my grandmother has
been sick, and as a result of spending time with her at the hospital after
school, I’ve fallen behind on my research. I understand that you prefer