12 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
head—slowly. This is a chance for you to calm down and get some perspective
on what happened.- Think about the situation. It takes at least two people to create a conflict.
What was your part in this one? Ask yourself the following questions and think
carefully about your answers: What did I do that added to the conflict? What
did I forget to do that added to it? What do I wish I’d said or done instead of
what I actually said or did? What could I do differently next time? - Look at the conflict from the other person’s point of view. Imagine
how he/she feels about what happened between you. If you were that person,
how would youhave acted or reacted? - Write down exactly what you’d like to say to this person. A journal
is a good place for this type of writing. You don’t have to show it to anyone, so
don’t hold back. Keep writing until you get a lot of the anger out of your system. - Read aloud whatever you wrote. (You’re alone, so make the reading as
dramatic as you want.) Do you feel better after getting out some of that anger?
Is there any left? If so, write more things you’d like to say to the person. Then
read the whole thing aloud again.
Once you feel calm, think about what you’re actually going to say to the
person. Of course, you may never want to talk to him/her again, but if the rela-
tionship is worth saving, you’ll need to have an honest, heartfelt conversation.
Wondering what to say? Or how the other person will react to your words?
In Chapter 9, “Conflict Resolution Tool Kit,” you’ll find advice about sharing
your feelings and listening to others with openness and respect.