Conflict Resolution Tool Kit 231
common: they don’t go away on their own. In fact, if they aren’t handled, they
usually worsen.
Unresolved conflicts add strain to relationships, or may even end them.
Sometimes the conflicts build until the people involved explode. When this
happens, they may not even remember what the original argument was about.
If you really care about the other person and your relationship, it’s worth
learning to handle conflicts effectively and nonviolently. Once you’ve discov-
ered how to do this, you can use this skill in allyour relationships!
RESOLVING CONFLICTS PEACEFULLY
People often experience uncomfortable feelings just because there isa conflict.
They may be hesitant to talk about what’s bothering them, fearing that doing
so will jeopardize the relationship. It’s important to remember that any rela-
tionship worth having needs open communication as a main ingredient. So
even though it may be uncomfortable to talk about your feelings, you’ve got to
do it anyway. When you open up and tell another person how you feel, you’re
making the relationship stronger and healthier. You’re also being brave enough
to speak the truth, which makes you feel good about yourself and makes you a
positive role model for your friends.
Not everyone has trouble opening up when something’s bothering them. In
fact, they may be quite vocal about their feelings! If you’re the kind of person
who tends to yell or vent whenever a conflict arises, you can work on keeping
your emotions in check and communicating more effectively. This will make it
much easier for you (and everyone else involved) to deal with issues that arise.
On pages 232–234 is a plan for handling conflicts and the emotions they
stir up. No matter what your style is when it comes to reacting to a conflict, you
can use this plan. It’s specially designed to work as both a step-by-step guide and
a problem-solving tool. Here’s how it works: you can focus on a specific commu-
nication problem and then read through its corresponding conflict-resolution
step and try it out. Or, if you prefer, you can read the whole plan from start
to finish. Either way, it might be a good idea to share this with the people close
to you so you can all get better at resolving conflicts in nonviolent ways.