42 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
perhaps a family. For teens, love is often about being with someone you’re
attracted to and who understands and appreciates you.
Lust, on the other hand, has to do with sexual drive. At this time in your life,
your body is humming with hormones that come with growing up. These hor-
mones create strong sexual feelings. Sexual feelings lead to sexual thoughts. The
feelings are normal and so are the thoughts (they’re part of being human).
But just because you have sexual thoughts about and feelings toward some-
one doesn’t mean you need to act on them. You can explore the sexual thoughts
through fantasies, writing, music, or art, and you can redirect sexual energy
through sports, exercise, dance, or drama. You can also release sexual feelings
through masturbation, if you feel okay about it. All of these are safe ways to
lessen your sexual drive.
Why lessen it? Because the decision to have sex with someone isn’t a simple
one. Sex means more than doing something just because it “feels good.” It feels
good to take a hot shower after you’ve been out in the cold, or to get a hug from
a friend when you’re feeling down, or to eat ice cream just about anytime. But
unlike these activities, the decision to have sex with someone is complicated,
and a lot of people don’t understand this until it’s too late.
As a teen, you need to have all of the facts before deciding whether sex is
right for you at your age. You may think you’ve got all the facts if you know
about menstruation, ovulation, erection, ejaculation, conception, and pregnancy,
and if you understand how to protect yourself against unwanted pregnancy and
sexually transmitted diseases—including HIV. These arecritical facts, and being
ignorant of them can result in life-threatening consequences. If you need to
know more about them, take a look at pages 93–99 in Chapter 4, “Sex, Unhealthy
Romantic Relationships, and Good-byes.” You can also check out the “Where to
Turn” resources on page 100.
But as important as those “facts of life” are, you need to know more.Having
all the facts about sex includes knowing the emotionalfacts of life. Take a look
at pages 101–105 for lots more information about how having sex changes you,
your feelings, and your relationships. This will help you determine what your
values are when it comes to sex.
In the meantime, remember that while you may have sexual feelings for
someone you love, don’t assume that you “love” everyone you’re sexually
attracted to!