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What Are Boyfriend /Girlfriend Relationships All About? 45
How can we spend less time having sex?
Hey Terra,
I’m good friends with this guy, and we’re really attracted to each other. Even though I love
him as much more than a friend and we’ve had sex, he’s made it really clear that I’m not the
girl of his dreams. He’s got some fairy-tale ideas about love, and he’s so convinced that love
has to be a certain way that he doesn’t realize how special our relationship is.
Anyway, I’d really like to get to know him better and give him a chance to get to know
me, so he can realize what I already know about our relationship. But the trouble is, when-
ever we’re alone, all either of us ends up wanting to do is have sex. Do you have any ideas
about how we can not do that so much so we can talk?
More Than Just Friends
Dear More Than Just Friends,
You seem to want more of an emotional connection with this guy. When two people haven’t
given themselves the time to get to know each other, sexual activity remains just that—an
“activity.” If you want something different for yourself in this relationship, talk to the guy
about your feelings. This may not be easy. In fact, for lots of people, it’s much easier to have
sex than to talk about deep feelings and what sex actually means in the relationship.
Explain why a relationship based on more than physical attraction and sex is important to
you. If you tell your friend that you want to spend more time together in nonsexual intimacy
but he’s not interested, you may discover that this relationship isn’t meeting your emotional
needs (and decide to end it). Good luck!
In friendship,
Terra