58 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
- At the top of the right-hand column, write this heading: “I don’twant
a boyfriend who.. .” or “I don’twant a girlfriend who.. .” - Make the lists. Write down any qualities you’re looking for in a bf/gf. You
can write about personality traits, values, looks, or anything else. This list can
be totally private, so don’t hold back! The more detailed you make it, the better.
You might be really surprised by some of your answers. Don’t censor yourself;
just write down anything, even if some items contradict others. There are no
wrong answers here—whatever is true for you is the right answer. Besides, no
one else will ever see this list, unless you choose to share it. - Keep brainstorming. Make the lists as long and as specific as you can,
until you finally run out of ideas. After a while, your list might look like this: - Turn all of the negatives into positives. Look at your “don’ts” list and
start changing the statements to positive “do’s.” This encourages you to focus
on what you want, not on what you don’twant. For example, you might change
“I don’t want a boyfriend who’s possessive” to “I want a boyfriend who trusts
me.” After you’ve done this, cross out the negative statements. Transfer all your
new “do’s” to your left-hand column. - Get more specific. Review your list to see if any of your wants are vague.
If you wrote, “I want a girlfriend who’s nice,” you’re not being specific. What
exactly does “nice” mean to you? (Your girlfriend calls you every night? Never
breaks dates? Gives you gifts on special occasions?) Be specific if you want
results; otherwise it’s kind of like walking into a clothing store and telling the
salesperson, “I want a shirt.” Elaborate on your needs and then cross out the
vague statements.
I DON’T WANT A
GIRLFRIEND WHO...
- has a bad temper
- is into drugs or alcohol
- acts jealous
- is conceited
- is a total slob
I WANT A GIRLFRIEND
WHO...
- is available and wants a
relationship with me - is intelligent
- has a good sense of humor
- is friendly
- cares about her looks but
doesn’t obsess over them