Making Boyfriend /Girlfriend Relationships Work 67
Alisha told her boyfriend that she couldn’t go to the dance
because her parents were going out for a romantic
dinner, and she had to baby-sit. She knew that her
parents were really going to see a divorce lawyer.Does Alisha’s relationship have honesty? No. She doesn’t feel comfortable
telling the truth about her family problems. Instead of sharing what’s going on,
she keeps her boyfriend in the dark about something that’s really bothering her.
Telling lies is dishonest. People lie for lots of different reasons, such as:- They want to protect themselves or hide something they’ve done.
(“I didn’t do it!”) - They want to protect someone’s feelings. (“Your haircut looks great,
so stop worrying about it.”) - They’re trying to get what they want. (“I’m sixteen. Really!”)
- They don’t trust someone enough to tell the truth. (“I just don’t
feel like going, that’s all.”)
Some people think that lying solves problems, but it usually creates many
more. Lying to your boyfriend/girlfriend puts distance between you, because
when you lie, you then need to make sure that he/she doesn’t find out the truth.
And covering up your lies takes away from time the two of you could spend
together being genuine. If you’ve ever been dishonest, you probably know that
lying doesn’t helpa relationship. Instead, lying often causes confusion, guilt,
and pain. Some people believe “a little deception” is good for a relationship.
They’re wrong!
To have a healthy relationship, you need to be honest with yourself and
with the other person. If you do things you aren’t comfortable discussing, the
solution isn’t to lie. Start listening to your inner voice (see pages 6–10 for how
to do this), which helps you figure out the right choices to make. The more
comfortable you are telling the truth, the more often you can do it!