74 The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating
Respect
Some people think that they should only respect someone who has a “higher
status” than they do. It’s true that people in positions of authority often com-
mand great respect. (To find out more about authority figures and how you can
improve your relationships with them, read Chapter 8, “Dealing with Authority
Figures.”) While it’s an excellent idea to treat authority figures with respect, real
respect has nothing to do with one person being above someone else. In fact,
in the healthiest relationships, both people feel equal and treat each other
respectfully.
To respect someone means you valuethat person. Maybe you value the
person for his/her personality, character traits, or other qualities. Or maybe it’s
because of a certain choice the person has made or the way he/she treats others.
When you respect someone, you treat that person in the same way youwould
like to be treated—with kindness, honesty, and consideration.Brad and his girlfriend, Carla, are talking with some
friends about a movie they’ve just seen. Brad thinks the
starring actress was “hot,”and Carla says the actress
had an “awful voice.”Brad laughs and announces, “You
should talk! You can’t sing to save your life.”Was Brad showing respect for Carla? Not at all. When Brad made fun of
Carla’s voice, he embarrassed her in front of her friends. When someone treats
you with respect, that person doesn’t put you down publicly or privately.Danielle just found out that her favorite aunt is a les-
bian. She tells her boyfriend, LeRoy, how confused she
is but asks him not to tell anyone else about the situ-
ation. Later, a friend asks LeRoy what’s going on with
Danielle. He replies, “She doesn’t want to talk about it,
so give her a chance to work it out on her own. If she wants to talk, we’ll
be there for her.”Did LeRoy show respect for Danielle? Absolutely. He didn’t tell anyone
about the situation, at her request. He respected her need for privacy, under-
standing that she preferred to be alone with her thoughts and feelings.