Making Boyfriend /Girlfriend Relationships Work 79
jealous of someone who gets new clothes, the lead in the school play, an A on
a test, or praise from a teacher.
In a romantic relationship, you might feel jealous if someone gets attention
from your boyfriend/girlfriend. You may also feel threatened, hurt, confused,
angry, and less loved than you were before. It doesn’t make a lot of sense when
you really think about it, but it’s still the way you feel.
People in trusting and healthy relationships aren’t jealous when their bf/gf
spends time with others. If you’re involved with someone right now, ask yourself
how you feel when he/she is out with friends. Are you worried he/she is cheat-
ing or will find someone to replace you? Do you imagine that your bf/gf is hav-
ing more fun with friends than he/she ever does with you? If you feel this way,
your relationship lacks trust. Maybe you’ve been disappointed and betrayed
often in your life, which can make it hard for you to trust other people. But
unless you and your bf/gf learn to trust each other, jealousy is bound to occur.
What’s the best way to handle jealousy? By using your mind and not your
emotions. Often, when people are jealous, they’ve totally misinterpreted a situ-
ation. What they thoughtwas going on wasn’t happening. They may make
assumptions, accept a rumor as the truth, or believe the worst of someone. In
other words, they stop thinking straight and let their emotions take over. To
stay in control:
- Don’t jump to conclusions.
- Take some time to breathe deeply and let yourself calm down.
- Talk to yourself about what’s going on. Is there another explanation
for what you saw or heard? - Once you’re feeling calm and level-headed, talk with your
boyfriend/girlfriend so you can resolve things.
If you think that your bf/gf flirted with someone else, stop and think
before acting on your emotions. Do you two have an agreement not to flirt with
others? If you don’t, make one. If you dohave this type of agreement, avoid
jumping to conclusions about his/her behavior. Check out the facts first. What
exactly happened, and did you see it with your own eyes? Are you hearing the
information from someone you trust and who has your best interests at heart?
Have you asked your bf/gf about it? By seeking out the truth, you might save
yourself from a major meltdown. You’ll also get the satisfaction of knowing
you’ve handled a situation maturely.