The Taqua of Marriage

The Tree of Romance

None honors women except he who is honorable,

and none despises them except he who is despicable.

`The more a woman feels desire, the more she will be desired.'

(Ibn Qutayba, Uyun al-Akhbar)

`May Allah grant glory and eternal salvation to those who know how to stroke a

soft cheek in an accomplished manner, to give a just accolade to a slender waist,

and to enter the sweetest farj with a befitting skill!'

(Imam al Suyuti, Kitab al-Idah fi ilm al-nikah )

The giving of the dowry is fundamental to the securing of man's sexual rights, so

"Who so gives two handfuls of flour or dates as dowry of his wife has rendered [her]

(private parts) lawful." The Hadith also recorded that a pair of shoes and an iron

ring were given as a dowry; for "The best dowry is the easiest to pay."^56

The Tree of perfect Romance has three components: in the Greek they are
termed Eros , Phileo and Agape, or in English: sensual passion, devoted
affection, and deferential honor. Agape is the greatest. This virtue is
submitted fidelity towards the responsible behavior that seeks God’s purpose
in everything, i.e., the knowledge of the Cause of Allah ’s purpose in a person,
place or thing and the ability to establish and protect it vis-à-vis conscious
adab or custom. Consequently defined in the New Testament ― where it is
erroneously and commonly translated as love or charity ― Agape actually
means “ to bow in reverent obedience to the king ” according to the ancient
contextual usage by the scribes of Bani Israel. Essentially this is the message
of Islam since there is only One King or Lord of Creation, Allah SWT.
Therefore, the deferential honor commonly given to men and women in
faithful matrimony does not depend so much upon their monogamy as it
does upon the honor they proffer to God by the respect shown to their mate
whom He created especially for them. If otherwise, we could then define a
faithfully monogamous drunk as honorable.

56
Al-Islam wa-l-Mar'ah al-Mu'aserah , Al-Bahi al-Khuli, Dar al-Qalam, Kuwait, 1984, p. 57,
reported in Musnad Ahmad.