voice and grip. All of this is immediately sensed by the infant who then
learns to fear the man and mistrust the intent or ability of the mother to
protect it, all of which disturbs the child’s fitrah and causes doubt. These
sentiments become deeply entrenched in the babe's subconscious mind,
which is a reservoir that remains a life-long threat to sexuality, intimacy and
social harmony. So deep in the soul is the impact of this experience, and so
widespread is it, that a society of male-chauvinists has no alternative but to
continually repress their women through the tyranny of an intermittent
fearful conditioning for want of trust, which indicates that their expressed
religion has not penetrated their hearts at all. The tyranny of this hypocrisy
has become the norm for many Muslim communities, as all domestic violence
reports indicate.^62
This intimidation of the mother affects her sexual response in such a way that
it exposes her to adultery while abusive or insensitive husbands may
repeatedly seek the pretentious affections of incest, whoredom and
extramarital affairs. Men do this in order to fulfill their own inherent need for
'playful' sexual intimacy via the primal ‘loving touch’ they now find wanting in
their thoroughly demoralized licit wife. Therefore, in the absence of trust,
fear is Prime Minister while male chauvinism is the Minister of Education or
better said, “conditioning.” The sadist who fears rejection in his search for
intimacy must torture his victim into submission to his touch, or at
least pretend to do so, while the masochist who fears rejection
associates fear and pain with submission in his/her quest for the loving
62
"The majority of the participants believed that domestic violence against women stems
from a legacy of patriarchy and sexism that is widespread in many Asian American
communities. As a result, women are socialized to believe and accept that violence in a
relationship is acceptable, that male power expressed abusively is part of the cultural
milieu, and therefore batterers are not held accountable for their behavior in their own
communities. Also, women continue to believe that they are worthless, and that revealing
the situation to anyone can be a cause of great shame to their families and communities.
As put succinctly by one participant:
“I think it’s our cultures that allow it to happen. We do not hold somebody accountable for
that kind of violence...you see that the batterer gets invited to parties, it’s the woman who
gets isolated...”
The “Jesus Syndrome,” exalts women to sacrifice for the family and achieve martyrdom by
submitting to abuse. The more one submits, the more one is idealized.
Unheard Voices 5: Domestic Violence in the Asian American Community
Author: Sujata Warrier, Ph.D