that you see in her beyond her physical charms. Any number of women can
meet your physical needs and she knows this, though she may be too shy to
admit it. Here, the matter of import has to do with your joint-destiny.
Something besides pheromones drew you to her and it is this quality that
transcends the instinctive sexual union. This ‘spiritual’ aspect is the most
significant element of your union and has to do with mutual compatibility
factors as designed and destined by Allah swt. Her feminine qualities and
specific talents help you complete your deen because they complement your
own and thus aid the fulfillment of your destiny.
Opposites may attract but all surveys demonstrate that successful marriage
depends upon similarities and collective expectations and desires that are
shared, whether believers or not. These are the many sympathies and
antipathies or likes and dislikes you hold in common and provide avenues for
the grace of tolerance and mercy. You must define what these are in terms of
her qualities of soul and intellect so that she knows the how and why it is that
Allah prepared her and drew you to her and why you keep her as wife and
companion! This is the essence of real romance and there is nothing
Hollywoodish about it whatsoever.
Mohammad (pbuh) says a man may marry a woman for her religion, wealth,
beauty, or social position. A man of discernment who knows his destiny will
be able to identify why it is a particular woman is placed in his life. For
example, a comely lady of wealth must be made to realize that her generosity
on your behalf is a providential opportunity purposely destined to aid the
“Cause of God” in your right hand! As wealthy as was Khadijah, all her wealth
was gone in the end, having been spent in the Cause of Allah. This is the
sunnah dear reader. Or the pious lady of humble means must be made to
realize that her submission as wife is the key factor, without which both your
destiny and your authority in the community would lose the divine sanction
of the community’s validation of your manhood!
Women desire that you rehearse from time to time whatever heavenly signs
led you to her life and bed, as well as the qualities of her character (virtues)
that keep you there. If she spends your money wisely, praise her! If she has
made mistakes, teach her how they have helped her to grow in virtue and
your admiration! If she has a limitation, teach her how it helps her to depend