of a particular institution. Because compro-
mise, especially if it entails substantial sacri-
fice, will weigh heavily on a relationship,
open lines of communication are essential.
It’s hard to overestimate the importance of
choosing a situation where the needs of both
partners are taken into account. In cases
where there is significant asymmetry in the
compromise, it is easy for the favored partner
to become comfortable, while the disfavored
partner feels underappreciated. Therefore, it
may be better to accept more equivalent posi-
tions in less desirable settings or for one part-
ner to move in order to improve the other’s
prospects, than to create a situation in which
one partner feels resentful.The transition from postdoc to an inde-
pendent academic position is a big one. New
tasks and responsibilities join research in
constant competition for one’s attention.
Balancing research with teaching, commit-
tees, grant writing, mentoring, and travel are
especially challenging for a dual career cou-
ple, particularly if children are also part of
the mix. Indeed, many in this position have
been heard to remark that they wish they
had a spouse! But until polygamy becomes
more widely accepted, other strategies are
needed. The default approach among aca-
demic couples is to split everything 50/50—
from shopping, child care, and taking out thegarbage to weekend work schedules, meet-
ing travel, participating in department jobs,
dinners with seminar speakers and faculty
candidates, even exercise. There are
inevitable exceptions, of course. One partner
may need to borrow time from the other to
meet a grant deadline. (Most dual-career
couples scrupulously avoid trying to meet
the same grant deadline, a grueling ordeal
one couple refers to as “emotional PCR.”)
Nonetheless, an almost obsessive fairness in
dividing up time and responsibilities is one
good strategy for maintaining balance
among conflicting demands.
Couples with children can only build aca-
demic careers on an underlying foundation
of high-quality, reliable, and flexible child
care. Therefore, time spent choosing the right
situation is extremely worthwhile. Since the
demands of two full-time jobs can become
overwhelming at times, especially when one
partner is traveling, the couple must
inevitably take advantage of friends and rel-
atives, daycare providers, and others who
can be called into service. Such support net-
works can be life savers and are worth culti-
vating. Paying for help with house cleaning
and participating in carpools provide otherways to optimize time. But, in the end, there
will inevitably be days where things fall
apart. On those days, one can be thankful
that academic careers do provide a certain
degree of flexibility.126 CAREER ADVICE FOR LIFE SCIENTISTS II
It may be better to accept more
equivalent positions in less
desirable settings, or for one
partner to move in order to
improve the other’s prospects,
than to create a situation in
which one partner feels resentful.There will inevitably be days
where things fall apart. On
those days, one can be thankful
that academic careers do provide
a certain degree of flexibility.