CHAPTER 1 • THE HEAD GAME 11Your priorities are critical factors in saying
“No”. It is essential to have plans for achiev-
ing goals. It helps to make a list of everything
to which you say “Yes” and “No” over a
month or year to evaluate how you are doing.
Once a pattern emerges, begin planning for a
year, five years, a career.
Once you have learned to say “No,” avoid
using your newfound assertiveness as a
weapon to refuse to do tasks with sadistic
glee. This can boomerang.How to Say “No”
Learning to say “No” is not negativism. It
actually frees you to say “Yes” to the things
that really matter. It is essential to make
choices. There is a world of difference
between knowing what you do not want to
do and refusing to do it, and knowing what
you want and going for it. Get advice from
friends and colleagues that seem to have their
priorities right.
Using “No” is more powerful in declining
than saying, “I don’t think so.” It helps to
practice saying “No” to friends, family or lab-
mates. If you resent always doing the order-
ing, replenishing the photocopier paper, or
taking a speaker out to dinner, then take a
stand and say “No!”
Determine whether the answer is, “No”,
“Yes” or “Maybe.” It is OK to ask for time to
think it over. Ascertain exactly what the
request entails. Is one lecture or a whole
course needed?
While it is not necessary to offer an expla-
nation for your refusal, it is often useful to
give a brief legitimate reason for saying
“No”. Avoid a long, drawn-out excuse or
explanation, or you may be argued out of
your refusal.
You can say “No”, while agreeing to do
part of the request.Offer alternatives by suggesting someone
else to do the work, or giving a student or
fellow the chance to give the talk or write
the review. However, be careful that super-
vising the substitute is not time-consuming.Sometimes, saying “No” actually post-
pones saying “Yes.” Maybe you can’t do it
now because of your teaching schedule, but
you can do it next semester.
Be prepared for people who do not want
“No” for an answer to have difficulty get-
ting the point. If the person persists after
several “No” answers, try silence, or change
the subject.
If you feel that you are being manipulated
or volunteered, verbalize your desire to be
consulted first.
It is OK to change a “Yes” answer to a
“No” answer.
Finally, don’t feel guilty. It is not up to
you to solve everyone’s problems or to do
everything. ■References
- Helpful Hints for Assertive Behavior: Saying “No”.
Michigan State Counseling Center. http://web.couns.
msu.edu/self-help/sk_behav.htm - Consulting Skills For Professionals. Murray Hiebert
and Colleagues, Inc. How to Say “NO,” with Options.
http://www.consultskills.com/sayingno.htm - Smith, Manuel J. Yes, I can say no: a parent’s guide to
assertiveness training for children. New York: Arbor House,
- Fensterheim, Herbert and Baer, Jean. Don’t say yes
when you want to say no: how assertiveness training can
change your life. New York: McKay, 1975. - Chenevert, Melodie. STAT: special techniques in
assertiveness training for women in the health professions.
4th ed. St. Louis: Mosby, 1994.
THE AMERICAN SOCIETY FOR CELL BIOLOGY
Don’t feel guilty. It is not up to
you to solve everyone’s problems
or to do everything.