- “Quality time” is defined by a common
focus and the opportunity for satisfying
conversation. Thus, pulling weeds can be
richly rewarding; conversely, the circus or
ballpark may contribute little to your rela-
tionship with your children if other adults
demand your attention and the children are
reduced to an annoyance. - Involve your children in your work in
appropriate ways as they grow. The less of
a black hole the office or lab, the less mys-
tery and resentment it engenders. Talk
about the day’s excitement or problem in a
way your children can understand. This
allows them to get closer to you by sharing
your real frustrations and satisfactions, and
also helps cultivate their skills of listening,
empathy and analysis. Ask their advice; it
may be good.The key to sanity may be to eliminate
everything imaginable that serves neither
your family relationship nor your career. This
may include activities which seemed indis-
pensible previously, like regular routines of
reading the newspaper or working out.
A career in science is a noble investment in
society but it is also an economic and moral
investment in your family. Parents who active-
ly seek to peel away expendable burdens, and
account aggressively for their expendability,
may be pleasantly surprised that even a career
in science, as demanding as it may be, can
leave significant time for the family, as long as
there are no illusions that there will be much
time for anything else. But, then again, noth-
ing else will seem as fun and satisfying.■Adapted from the Fae Golden Kass Lecture by
the author, Harvard Medical School, May 1999.84 CAREER ADVICE FOR LIFE SCIENTISTS
Eliminate music, telephone or
other distractions when your
children are in the car. The
conversation it can inspire is
amazing.