INSIDE OUTeasy for me because I was giving up my dominant role, but it
made me realize how arrogant I had been!"DOING WHAT COMES NATURALLY
Many people don't need to practice role reversal to feel empathy
for someone and project a subtext of concern. Feeling empathy
comes naturally to them, and it helps in their dealings with family,
friends, and lovers, as well as on the job. The saleswoman with
a strong sense of empathy understands her clients. She senses
when the moment is right for a hard sell, or when to hold back
or try a soft sell, because she feels so much of what the client
feels. Often she knows what the client feels without realizing that
she does. She's a natural.
The labor mediator who is most successful is the one who feels
empathy for both sides. He can put himself in the workers' shoes
or the boss's because he senses how both feel. He appreciates
their gripes and knows their weaknesses and strengths.
The father who is empathetic to his son can overcome the genera-
tion gap. He realizes how important it is for the boy to look like
the other kids, to wear the same hairstyles and clothes. He under-
stands how much his son needs to resist him and do things on
his own because he can feel the way his son feels.
The same is true for mothers and their children—and may occur
more frequently since women tend to have more empathy than
men. Perhaps it is part of mothering, or perhaps the culture has
more acceptance for the woman who is sensitive and receptive.
By contrast, men are taught to be cool, to stand on their own
two feet, and not be too sympathetic. Toughness is equated with
Manliness.