SUBTEXTrarely!" Youman noted. "Something has been lost, something Italian
men had that was worth saving, the ability and the freedom to
express an emotional bond in unself-conscious and sexually neutral
terms."
The reason, he suggests, is the increased visibility of homosexual
men and the amplified homophobic attitudes of "straight" men.
This may be true, and yes, I agree with Youman that something
has been lost—the subtext of enormous comfort and caring in
hand holding.
In the United States our culture forbids hand holding between
men. Men are reluctant to touch one another, and for that reason,
when they do, it is all the more intense and effective. When
men are deeply troubled or in great pain, touching, holding a
hand, or embracing someone can work wonders.
READING IT OUT
We all start life with a tremendous need for touch and its subtext.
Babies need the touch of their mother, the feel of the nipple as
they nurse, the touch of anything they can bring to their mouths.
This need for touch in our society fades a bit at the age of
five or six, but it returns at puberty, a time when its subtext is
sexually dangerous. Because of this "danger," society teaches
pubescent girls that touch is not allowed when it comes from the
other sex, but society permits them to hold hands with each other,
to walk with their arms around each other and engage in same-
sex touching. The wrestling of teenage boys and the contact sports
they delight in take care of some of their need for touch.
Once we become adults, there is still a need to touch, although
in this country it doesn't seem obvious. But the need and its