SUBTEXT"I do not meet your eye because to me you are not there, you
are a nonperson, insignificant."
Understanding this, we can realize that an important subtext
of eye contact is recognition. If you encounter a panhandler in
the street, refusing to meet his eyes says, "I do not recognize
your existence." If you do make eye contact, you leave yourself
vulnerable to the panhandler's approach. This is so ingrained a
reaction that I have seen people avoiding eye contact with a blind
beggar!
Refusing to make eye contact can also send a subtext of arrogance
and contempt. It says, "I am better than you," and we reserve it
not only for panhandlers but also for servants and employees in
certain circumstances. The boss will frequently avoid eye contact
with one of his workers, a foolish move because of the insulting
message sent out.
The "moral looking time" is different in different places. In
an elevator, it hardly exists. If you make eye contact with a stranger,
you break it at once, you look ahead, up at the floor numbers or
down at the floor—anywhere but in another's eyes. In a room,
the moral looking time is longer. You can make eye contact and
hold it for two or three seconds, but then, for comfort, you must
break it. Extended eye contact between the sexes or between
two women usually means "I am interested in you." Between two
men who do not know each other, the longer eye contact usually
has a threatening subtext.
In a large room like a boardroom or a lecture hall, the speaker
can make eye contact with people in the audience and hold it as
long as he or she wishes. But on the street, the "moral looking
time" is very short. Any glance longer than a brief, sweeping
one becomes a sign of recognition with the subtext "Do I know
you?" Held too long, it sends a subtext of rudeness. Combined