BODY LANGUAGE: EYES, HEAD, AND HANDS
with a brief smile and a nod, however, the rudeness disappears.
In many such encounters there is a moment of embarrassment
when you realize that eye contact has been too long because one
or the other has allowed it. The smile or nod or even a quick
hello eases the situation.
I remember attending a convention in Chicago and wandering
about the convention hall examining the exhibits. At one point I
noticed an exceptionally well dressed middle-aged man with strik-
ing white hair and a very deep tan. He looked every inch the
top executive, and forgetting myself I stared at him.
He caught my eye and hesitated momentarily as I smiled. Then,
rather than break eye contact, he smiled back at me and, as we
approached each other, he put out his hand. We shook hands,
and he asked how I was, how the job was going, and a few other
generalized questions. Then, with a smile, said, "Let's get together
for lunch soon" and walked off. My prolonged staring and eye
contact combined with my smile had sent a subtext of "I know
you." Rather than risk offending a potentially useful contact, he
had pretended recognition.
Of course, these are the rules for eye contact between strangers.
Between friends or acquaintances eye contact can be prolonged
within an appropriate comfort level. Held for too long, eye contact
transmits uneasiness. Eye contact in a business setting signals
trust and sincerity, as long as it is not prolonged. The proper
method is to break eye contact frequently as you talk or listen.
The best technique is to look down to the side, and then back.
Remember, though, that the rules of eye contact vary from
culture to culture. In our culture, prolonged eye contact is too
disturbing, just as a refusal to make eye contact arouses suspicion.
In other cultures, particularly many Latin American ones, eye
contact is linked to status. Workers keep their eyes averted when