BODY LANGUAGE: EYES, HEAD, AND HANDS
can look over the women in the bar and realize that the ones
who let me make eye contact for longer than the 'moral looking
time' are the ones who are interested in meeting me. But after
talking to them for a few minutes, that same thing happens—the
feeling of butting against a stone wall!"
Talking to him, it became obvious what that "stone wall" was.
For some reason he had never learned one of the decisive subtextual
signals, the head nod. He would talk and listen without ever
moving his head.
The head nod is tremendously important in communication. I
tell you something, and you nod as I say it. That nod sends a
subtext of "Yes, I understand." You talk back to me, and I nod
again, sending the "Yes, I understand" signal along with "I agree."
These gestures, along with the negative head shake, usually
accompany all conversations and are vital to communication. The
head nod, in fact, is so strong that some salespeople can use it
to overcome a customer's resistance, particularly if the accompany-
ing sales pitch is correct. The nodding elicits a positive response
in the listener. It is effective in sales, in the boardroom, and in
any ongoing discussion or negotiation.
Not using that head nod was, in my student's words, putting
up a "stone wall." Once he understood this and began to put
nodding to good use, the wall came tumbling down. Of course,
using the head nod properly is very important. A senseless bobbing
of the head sends a senseless subtext. The nod should be used
when you agree with the other person, or when you want agreement
with a point you are making, or when you want to show that yes,
you understand.
In public speaking or in addressing a small group, the head
nods or absence of nods will tell you whether or not you are
reaching your audience. A clever speaker can gauge the audience's