64. the life cycle
Munni never discussed menstruation with her mother, and no men of the family
learned of the event. But Munni’s bhabhiquietly told Rambai, Munni’s mother,
“Your little girl has begun to bathe.”
When she was young, Munni and her friends sometimes played “wedding.” A
small child posed as the bride and was draped in a white sari. Laughing children
carried the “bride” to meet her “groom,” a baby brother being cared for by one
of the girls. But as Munni and her friends approached puberty, playing wedding
was no longer fun. Their own weddings were not too far off, and the game became
embarrassing.
It was very embarrassing to be married. First of all, even if a girl should want to
be married, it would be shameless for her to admit it; her parents must arrange her
marriage. Only a very brazen girl would ever ask questions about what it was like
to have a husband. And a wife must never say her husband ’s name. Even to men-
tion the name of his village is embarrassing. Sometimes girlhood friends whispered
to each other about their husbands, but to discuss marriage with an older person
would be shameless. Munni had heard older girls talking about sex, but she could
never ask anyone about it. It is most embarrassing when a girl’s husband comes to
visit in her parents’ village, where she does not veil her face. She must veil in front
of her husband, but she should never cover her face in front of her parents. The only
thing to do is run and hide. Munni knew a girl should never talk to her husband in
front of anyone; it would be mortifying. Still, marriage would be very exciting, and
Munni anticipated it with a mixture of eagerness and dread.
Unknown to Munni, her parents had already begun making inquires about her
marriage several years before she reached puberty, and they had hoped to have the
wedding before the girl “began bathing.” A generation ago, parents who had an un-
married pubescent girl in the house would have been severely criticized, but today
villagers are more tolerant of marriages after puberty. Still, the average age of mar-
riage for village girls in the Bhopal area is about eleven, and brides of seven or eight
are not unknown in Central India. In 1955 the government of India enacted a law
providing legal penalties for those responsible for the marriage of a girl younger
than fifteen or a boy younger than eighteen, but this law is widely ignored.^1 Most vil-
lagers are ignorant of its existence, and since village marriages are not registered
with any government authority, “child marriage” occurs with great regularity
throughout the northern half of India. In Senapur village, near Varanasi, high-caste
weddings usually unite couples older than the legal age, but low-caste children often
marry before twelve. Despite early marriage, most village marriages are not con-
summated until after a second ceremony, the gauna, which usually occurs after the