70. the life cycle
die single become ghosts who haunt the descendants of their more fortunate broth-
ers. For some devout individuals, asceticism may be a stage of life, but except for a
few holy men, all people are expected to marry.
The next day was another round of feasting, fun fests, ceremonies, and gift giv-
ing. As a send-off for the groom’s party, Munni’s kinswomen playfully dashed red
dye into their faces. The relatives departed, the house was quiet. Only tattered col-
ored paper decorations and her new jewelry served to remind Munni of her change
in status. Life continued as before.
But Munni and Amar Singh, though strangers to each other, were now links be-
tween two kin groups, and their male relatives began to meet each other and become
friendly. Munni’s relatives were always properly deferential to Amar Singh’s, as be-
fitted the kinsmen of a bride in relationship to those of her groom. It would have
been improper, too, for Munni’s mother to meet Amar Singh or his mother or to
speak to any of his male relatives. Having given a bride to Amar Singh’s family, it
now would be shameful for Munni’s family ever to accept their gifts or hospitality.
Among Thakurs in North India, a girl is given in marriage to a boy who belongs
to a group of higher rank than her own. Thus the bride ’s kinsmen are not merely
deferential but are considered actually inferior to the groom’s kin. This lower sta-
tus of the bride ’s family adds to the relatively low status all North Indian brides have
in their new homes. Among most Muslims, however, the kin of both bride and
groom consider themselves equals, particularly since they often are close blood rel-
atives (for example, the children of two siblings may marry).
The Muslim wedding consists of a series of rituals, gift exchanges, and feasts.
The couple are legally united in a simple ceremony during which both bride and
groom indicate their assent to the marriage by signing a formal wedding contract in
the presence of witnesses. The groom and his family pledge to the bride a sum of
money, known as mehr, to be paid to her upon her demand. (Most wives do not claim
their mehr unless their husbands divorce them.) During the wedding the bride and
groom sit in separate rooms and do not see each other. Latif Khan’s mother was
married by mail to her first cousin, living hundreds of miles away, and did not see
her husband for over a year.
Munni expected to spend the rest of her married life as Amar Singh’s wife, but
she could remarry if he died. In her caste, as among most high-ranking groups, di-
vorce is always a possibility, but it involves shame. For a Brahman girl, her first mar-
riage would definitely have been her last until recently. Although most Brahman
widows are expected to remain celibate for life, some Brahman groups now allow
young widows to remarry without suffering ostracism. Among high-ranking Mus-