74. the life cycle
cousin and Amar Singh’s little sister, to whom she was bhabhi. Several songfests
were held by the women, most of whom had themselves been brought to Khetpur
as brides.
At home again, Munni unveiled, relaxed, and enjoyed her normal life for several
months until her husband ’s father came to escort her to Khetpur again. On her second
visit, she was no longer a guest but was treated more like a member of the household.
She began cooking, sweeping, and grinding. Her mother-in-law was polite, and Munni
docilely performed the tasks expected of her. After three weeks she again went home
for several months. Munni is now a young woman of about twenty-one, the mother of
a baby daughter. She continues to spend a few months of each year in her parents’ home.
Not all girls have a gaunaceremony. Most Muslim girls and educated urban girls
marry after puberty and go immediately to their husbands’ homes. Nor do all girls
have such an easy transition between their natal and conjugal homes as did Munni.
In much of North India, a girl is sent on her gaunaand remains in her husband ’s
home for a year or more, sometimes until she has produced a child, before she is al-
lowed to visit her parents. Such an abrupt transition is difficult for a young girl. In
Senapur, among a sample of sixteen Thakur women, five had remained with their
in-laws between seven and eleven years on the first or second visits there. Four had
never returned to their parents’ villages, because their parents had died.^6
In Central India, older wives go home at least once or twice a year for visits and fes-
tival observances, but in parts of North India several years may elapse between vis-
its. This is partly because of the expectation that the parents of a visiting daughter will
send expensive gifts to her in-laws when she returns to them—so that few parents can
afford frequent visits from their daughters. In Central India, however, a visiting
daughter receives relatively modest gifts and may provide vital services in her natal
home (for example, helping with the harvest or doing housework for a sick mother).
Consequently, whereas a North Indian bride is clearly shifted from one household to
another at hergauna,the Central Indian bride may become an important participant
in the activities of two households. However, the young mother may feel herself to
be and may be considered to be an outsider in her marital home for some time.
Given the fact that a wife is expected to live with her husband ’s family, usually in
a village other than that of her birth, teenage marriage makes sense. A young girl
easily falls under the tutelage of her mother-in-law and can be socialized to life in
her husband ’s family. The new bride, although the center of attention for a while,
has the lowest status of any adult in her new residence. Young and alone among
strangers, effaced by her veil, the bride can be happy in her new surroundings only
by adjusting her behavior to satisfy her in-laws. If she quarrels with her mother-in-