Self-Realization and Other Awakenings

expression for fear of causing someone an offence and
starting some sort of buried seething or overt angry
confrontation.
Most new arrivals did seem to have similar ideas
regarding the ideal guru as Ramana Maharshi, or
someone similar; being benevolent, aloof yet loving,
undisturbed by anything in life, a constant smile on his
face, exuding Shakti power that turned the ashram
into a Shangri-La of bliss and ecstasy where everyone
felt loved and accepted. Others had no fixed notions,
but I remember I did. I had never contemplated a Zen
master or guru to be an ordinary mortal being with
faults, maybe some insecurities, or having romantic
relationships. I figured they had all totally gone
beyond, as the “Gone, gone, gone away, gone away to
the other shore” of the Heart Sutra predicted.
Then for each newcomer, gradually came the
recognition that once again, they were just in a new
group of ordinary people with faults and
preconceptions; led not by the Son of God, but by a
human being with irritating faults, perhaps too aloof,
perhaps too personal, perhaps even-handed or not,
and perhaps playing favorites. That is, each week that
passed, preconceptions were shed, or else the person
left in disappointment or disgust.
Very few were entirely happy with the ashram
situation. They had expected something different;